Up until about two days ago, I considered myself fairly knowledgable in the ways of the penis. True, I don’t have one, so I never claimed to be an expert, but I am married to someone who has one. I have raised a son, as well as a couple of male cats and dogs. I’ve worked as a healer for quite a few years now, and pride myself on knowing a thing or two about anatomy. In addition, I’ve worked in veterinary clinics since I was 18. So, it’s safe to say I’ve seen a few penises in my day.
I knew that penises came in different sizes, both lengthwise and girthwise. Some have their own special personality traits, like a left curve or a unique marking. Some seem friendlier than others and greet you with a smile and a wave. Some are proud and some are shy. Some wear mushroom caps and some go au natural. But what those have in common is that they are all human penises.
Obviously, I knew that the penises of other animals were different. I’m not blind. I could see that dogs, cats, horses and cows have retractable penises, like my favorite Bic pens.They prefer to keep things tucked up nice and safe when not in use.
But two days ago I saw something on TV that rocked my world, and my existence will never be the same. Here’s what I learned:
MOST male mammals have penis bones.
Excuse me? Did you say penis bones? Yes. Yes, I did. I’m talking about an actual bone, like the femur, but it goes inside the penis.
Now, if you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what is more shocking: the fact that there is such a thing as a penis bone OR the fact that I didn’t know this until a couple days ago.
Regardless, suddenly the word ‘boner’ took on a whole new meaning. And it can no longer apply to the human erection. (Not that it ever did. I’m far too sophisticated to use the word ‘boner’.)
This also means that every male cat, dog, mouse, walrus, or gorilla that I’ve ever known is in danger of literally breaking his penis! As I thought of this, my mind began to spin with questions. Do they make casts for broken penises? If a dog breaks his penis, can it still be retractable or will he forever have to haul it around outside of his body like a boneless human penis? Are penis bones heavy?
When I have questions, my first stop is Google. My second stop is someone who knows more than me on the given topic.
The first thing I learned when I Googled ‘penis bone’ was that its purpose is to make mating easier for the male. Google gave me the example that the male lion needs all the help he can get, because he copulates an average of 250 times in four days! Okay, Google, now I’m pretty sure you’re just making shit up. (That’s over 60 times a day…a bit much even for the King of the Forest, I’d say.)
Once Google let me down, I went to my veterinarian/best friend and told her what I’d discovered. After she finished laughing at my ignorance, she confirmed that there is such thing as a penis bone. It’s called an os penis or baculum. I told her she was showing off with her fancy lingo.
Then, as if all of this wasn’t enough, she sent me a link to the following article. (It’s got pictures, folks. If for some reason you’re offended by images of animal penises, retreat now.) For the rest of you, go check out the article. Do it now. I’ll wait here.
So, did you learn something? Was your mind blown wide open?
On top of those ten penis wonders, my friend tells me that marsupials have a forked penis and snakes have two penises. Apparently, the variety is endless.
I hope you all learned a little something today. I did. Not only did I learn that I can write the word penis twenty-seven times in a single blog post, I also learned that I’m never too old to realize that I know practically nothing.
I might regret this, but I’d love to hear your comments. Which penis did you think was the strangest? Is there any other animal penis info I need to know?